why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
