what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
