Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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