I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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