I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize