Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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