Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize