We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
