so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
