She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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