My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
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