so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
