But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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