To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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