so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
