I want to stick my p in your. b.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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