I wish I could punch you in the face.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
