I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Randomize
