So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
