A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
