i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Randomize
