yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize