I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
