Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
