i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
