It's like God shit irony all over that family
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
