She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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