I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
