I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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