the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
