I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
