I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
