i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
