So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
