What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
