I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
