another moral hangover. fuck.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
