It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
