I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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