Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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