I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
