Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize