you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
