he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
