She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
