You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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