She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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