Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Randomize
