walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
