I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
