I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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