Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
