i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
