Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
