I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
