he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
This is classic penis vs brain.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Randomize
