I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
