Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
