he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
