i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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