Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
did you just send me my own nude
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize