You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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