I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
