i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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