This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
